This Is Not About You
recently read a post to which I started to make a comment. The more I thought about what I wanted to say, the more I had to say. I realized that the comment would've been lengthier than the post itself ...and somewhat off the point. I was making it about me. The post had nothing to do with me, but I was filtering what I read through my own scenario(s).
didn't make the comment. I simply backed off, telling myself, "This is not about you." Instead, I wrote this post which is about me.
From as far back as my early twenties, I came to the realization that I was an egotist. Ooooh, bad thing. Well, not really. It is what it is, and I who I am. I'd made the decision to live my life on my own term and the rest be damned. Well, over the years, and after being around the block several times, I've mellowed considerably. I'm still an egotist, but I know myself much better, and, although it's an ongoing process, I have managed to be true to myself while keeping my ego in check.
When you're called upon for your personal opinion, then, it has to be "about you" ...what you think, how you would react under those circumstances, what, in your opinion, is the best course of action. But sometimes you're required only to perceive, listen, see, hear.
My continuing exercise is to take myself out of the equation when it's [really] not about me. Sure, I'll later apply my own thoughts. feelings, and emotions to the circumstances, but to understand those circumstances more clearly, I try to perceived them without bias. Or if the bias can't be overcome, acknowledge it and compensate for it.
It is said that when you view a painting, your appreciation is based on "what you bring to the experience". This may be true, but if you get mired in "your own myopic perception", you fail to see what the artist was trying to say. Maybe this is not the perfect analogy, but it represents the discipline I exercise when approaching many things involving other people, (the things they say, do, write, paint, sing, photograph, etc.), other situations and circumstances.
From as far back as my early twenties, I came to the realization that I was an egotist. Ooooh, bad thing. Well, not really. It is what it is, and I who I am. I'd made the decision to live my life on my own term and the rest be damned. Well, over the years, and after being around the block several times, I've mellowed considerably. I'm still an egotist, but I know myself much better, and, although it's an ongoing process, I have managed to be true to myself while keeping my ego in check.
When you're called upon for your personal opinion, then, it has to be "about you" ...what you think, how you would react under those circumstances, what, in your opinion, is the best course of action. But sometimes you're required only to perceive, listen, see, hear.
My continuing exercise is to take myself out of the equation when it's [really] not about me. Sure, I'll later apply my own thoughts. feelings, and emotions to the circumstances, but to understand those circumstances more clearly, I try to perceived them without bias. Or if the bias can't be overcome, acknowledge it and compensate for it.
It is said that when you view a painting, your appreciation is based on "what you bring to the experience". This may be true, but if you get mired in "your own myopic perception", you fail to see what the artist was trying to say. Maybe this is not the perfect analogy, but it represents the discipline I exercise when approaching many things involving other people, (the things they say, do, write, paint, sing, photograph, etc.), other situations and circumstances.
've been so successful in applying this principle that in one situation I can recall, it "was" about me, and it wasn't until I'd reflected after-the-fact that I realized I'd just been insulted, albeit ever so subtly. Of course, a part of me fumed over what I should've said, but then I realized that my lack of reaction was, in fact, the best response ...something I couldn't have done had I not been listening objectively at the time.
Don't get me wrong. I live in my head, most of the time. But I do make the conscious effort to get outside of it when appropriate to the situation. I get to see so many things with new eyes. There's still plenty of time [later] to make it "about me".
Don't get me wrong. I live in my head, most of the time. But I do make the conscious effort to get outside of it when appropriate to the situation. I get to see so many things with new eyes. There's still plenty of time [later] to make it "about me".
Quote of the Week: "I know you believe you understand what you think I said. What you don't realize is that what you heard is not what I meant."
posted by gieau_sf (8:13:00 AM)
-- All non-relevant comments will be (have been) deleted!
6 Comment(s):
'xactly.........I agree with what he said...........
although agreeing and doing are two differently things......taking ones perspective out of the equation is hard because it is the only perspective we are knowledgeable enough to speak. That is, if we know what we mean. hahaha
Many people seem to write comments that are about themselves. It seems to be their way of relating to what their fellow blogger has written. I have done that several times myself. (oops, I'm making this about me and you didn't ask for my personal opinion). It's hard not to be an egotist. But if you have managed to live your life on your own terms while keeping your ego and biases in check in order to view life objectively, then that is truly admirable.
ps: that is a great and true quote of the week....
who wrote it? is it yours?
:-)
Nea: Quite right ...we speak from what we know. But when we (or rather I) listen, I try to hear -- (the operative word is "try") -- what the speaker is attempting to say. Upon evaluation, I may disagree, but if I'm too busy translating what I'm hearing into "what I know", then I don't learn anything new. Case in point. Whenever GW Bush has anything to say, I'm so vehemently convinced that "everything that comes outta his mouth is a lie", if he were to say something valid, I probably wouldn't hear it. :)
Schaumi: You kinda expect the comment to be personal. After all, the question, "what do you think about what I wrote" is implied. But suppose a post was about the difficulty in growing a hybrid rose in the garden and all one heard was "garden" and, thinking only in terms of their own experience, commented about the garden they had when you live in France ...totally missing the point of the post, which was the difficulty of growing hybrid roses. That's the kind of "making it about you" I was talking about ...and the kind of thing I have been guilty of.
Thanks for the "admiration" :) but I wrote this post in terms of "what I aspire to". I didn't mean to imply that I was totally successful. Far from it. My ego is still my own worst enemy.
The quote is popular because of its convolution. It's been around for quite awhile and repeated by many, so who gets original credit depends on who you ask ...so yeah, it's mine :)
Lillie: Yeah :)
as always, your posts invite new perspectives and are most welcome. Your post on friendship has been with me for some time and been most helpful. I enjoyed the last bit about getting out more (of your head)... brought a smile ... the world is much more interesting when I do so...and there is plenty of time later to make it about me! yes! (if ever)
Oh, I think we're all egoists. If you are aware of it and try to monitor it, you are probably less so than most people.
I can't tell you how many times I have not commented on a blog post for the very same reasons that you mentioned. How interesting.
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