On Aging
There are actual clinical situations that create a disharmony between the mind and body, psychological imbalances like gender dysphoria or the eating disorder, anorexia. But for many people, there is a disharmony generated by the onslaught of imagery reinforcing the concept that youth ...and only youth ...is beauty. If you're not young, (and thin), you're not beautiful. And being rich doesn't hurt. :)
I recently read a post about this disparity between the age you feel and the age you are ...or more precisely, the age you look.
I started thinking in personal terms and how this disharmony was something I, too ...and probably everyone else ...has experienced.
I have several photographs [displayed] of myself at different stages ...30 years ago ...20 years ago ...ten years ago. As I look at each one, I recognize and relate to the person I see. He's still very much alive and a part of who I am ...and how I see myself.
When I purposely look in the mirror, I see the person I want to see. My perception is skewed in favor of how I see myself. But then, there are those time when I pass a mirror or glass pane and accidentally catch my reflection. I'm surprised by the older stranger I see there. That's not me; I don't look that old.
Inside I feel as young as those images in the photographs. And although that may be true, when I start to reflect back on who I was then, I realize that I've been there and done that. I don't want to be that person again. I much prefer who I am now. Maturity comes with experience, knowledge, growth, insight, and wisdom. I think maturity has its own special beauty. And as long as I don't allow Vogue, GQ, or People to define who I am, that beauty shines through. "It's not easy being green", but I'm happy being just who I am.
In all honesty, I'm not totally unaffected by this pressure to be perceived as young(er). I'll soon be 60, but that's just a number. I don't act 60, I don't think 60, I don't live the life of a 60 year old person, and although I look older, I still don't look 60. So, although I never lie about my age, I'm hesitant to volunteer the information. People, including myself, have preconceptions about what "60" means. So when you say you're 60, you've already been pigeonholed and saddled with certain percepts and expectations. So by withholding that bit in information, people tend to relate to me in terms of "as old as I act and feel".
I recently read a post about this disparity between the age you feel and the age you are ...or more precisely, the age you look.
I started thinking in personal terms and how this disharmony was something I, too ...and probably everyone else ...has experienced.
I have several photographs [displayed] of myself at different stages ...30 years ago ...20 years ago ...ten years ago. As I look at each one, I recognize and relate to the person I see. He's still very much alive and a part of who I am ...and how I see myself.
When I purposely look in the mirror, I see the person I want to see. My perception is skewed in favor of how I see myself. But then, there are those time when I pass a mirror or glass pane and accidentally catch my reflection. I'm surprised by the older stranger I see there. That's not me; I don't look that old.
Inside I feel as young as those images in the photographs. And although that may be true, when I start to reflect back on who I was then, I realize that I've been there and done that. I don't want to be that person again. I much prefer who I am now. Maturity comes with experience, knowledge, growth, insight, and wisdom. I think maturity has its own special beauty. And as long as I don't allow Vogue, GQ, or People to define who I am, that beauty shines through. "It's not easy being green", but I'm happy being just who I am.
In all honesty, I'm not totally unaffected by this pressure to be perceived as young(er). I'll soon be 60, but that's just a number. I don't act 60, I don't think 60, I don't live the life of a 60 year old person, and although I look older, I still don't look 60. So, although I never lie about my age, I'm hesitant to volunteer the information. People, including myself, have preconceptions about what "60" means. So when you say you're 60, you've already been pigeonholed and saddled with certain percepts and expectations. So by withholding that bit in information, people tend to relate to me in terms of "as old as I act and feel".
Quote of the Week: "Nothing makes you so old as the desire to remain young."
posted by gieau_sf (8:45:00 AM)
-- All non-relevant comments will be (have been) deleted!
10 Comment(s):
I had a similar, yet different issue for many years. I always felt and acted so much younger than I was. I even hung out with people who one would think were 'too young' for me. At some point in my 30's I 'caught up to my real age and felt as if I finally was in a space where my real age and my behaviors matched. To this day people are astounded when they learn my real age. As recently as this past year I started thinking about plastic surgery. WHY? Maybe it's that California influence. Don't know, but I'm mostly over that, thank God. Today at just shy of 48 I feel like a young, vibrant adult with mature, yet youthful attitudes. Whew! Maybe I'm... what do they call it? Maturing? It feels good, whatever it is which is a far cry from when I was a young girl. I don't want to go back either. I like me just as I am. Mostly.
So glad you passed on the cosmetic surgery. It saddens me when I see or hear of a perfectly beautiful person considering that.
Yeah, that "California" [body image] influence is somethin' else, ain't it?
i would never in a million years guessed your age! wow... you look fabulous! do you ever experience looking at yourself as you are passing a mirror and you see other people? like your siblings or mother or father? i see my mother's face a lot!
I don't have any siblings.
It's funny you should ask this. I don't really resemble either of my parents. It was always sort of a running joke, I'd ask "Are you sure I'm not adopted?"
I do resemble (from his early photographs) my grandfather -- (on my mother's side), but I only knew him as a very old man.
Perhaps one of the best things about aging is that we become all things; because we have the memories and feelings of being younger, so we are. Because we have the experience and laugh lines of someone older (and hopefully wiser), so we are. All the past remains with us as we move into the future. I think Eliot wrote something about this far better than I can.
And you, Joseph, wrote about the disharmony of looks and feelings in a way that I would like to have done but didn't quite manage. Thank you.
"...we become all things." How wonderfully put.
and hopefully wiser.
Yes, the brain plays funny tricks with the mind. Moreso now that I am back at university and there are a high number of young women about. I look at them and think "Wow!". They look at me and think "Must be here to pick up his grand-daughter."
But I worked hard for my grey hair and wrinkles. They are part of who I am, of how I got here.
Some of our conceptions of old age are
influenced by memories of what we thought old age ought to look like and perhaps how it should feel. And here we find outselves, if we are lucky, feeling younger and looking younger.
However, I have often realized that my mental image of my physical self is probably 10 years younger than I actually am. And folks usually consider me younger looking anyway, but that's because of what I mentioned above. Of course my mental image of my mental self is that of a 23 year old. I still haven't figured out what I want to be when I grow up.
Yes, it is funny how 30 used to be the big three-oh and now people 50 and 60 consider themselves to be middle age ...don't you dare say senior citizen :)
okay, grandpa...:)
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