Talkin' To Myself (Part 1)

I'm standing there in front of the produce counter, playing the scenario through in my head, trying to decide what I need to buy. I'm actually verbalizing what it is I need. I noticed a shopper who's stopped and is looking at me in wonder. "What? I said. You never saw anybody talkin' to themselves?" She chuckled and said, "Yeah, I do it all the time".

Sanity is merely the act of censoring oneself, when one is being observed. We all act a little crazy when we're certain we're alone. Because deep down inside, no one is completely sure of his sanity.

So often, when no one else is home, I find myself playing that imaginary instrument, performing on that imaginary stage, standing in from of that imaginary crowd accepting my Nobel Prize [or whatever]. Don't laugh, you know you've done it too. And sometimes when I'm alone in a crowd, I get so intensely immersed in that conversation going on in my head, I stop and wonder, "Was I saying that out loud?" I immediately look around for any signs that someone overheard my internal rant and is perceiving me as "strange".

Actually, I don't mind being perceived as strange. It's the not being aware of your strange behavior that's disconcerting. You see, the only difference between the sane and the insane is that sane people know their crazy ...and compensate accordingly. I addressed this question of sanity in my post of 7 November 2005 ("Crazy, Man").

It's all about censoring. Not only one's action but one's speech. Too often you encounter those who don't seem to have any buffer between the thought and the spoken word. You know if they actually thought about it, they probably wouldn't have said [that].

And then, there're the words that have escaped my own lips before I could constrain them. That reaction containing the comment I wish I could take back. That outburst that revealed that "ugly" side of my nature, that part of me I'd taken such care to conceal.

Just think of the chaos that would ensue if nobody censored himself and everyone said exactly what he thought at the time he thought it. Wow! Our society would collapse into anarchy. Surely our economic system would suffer, since commerce depends so greatly on collusion and deception. This sounds like a great idea for a TV sitcom. "The Awful Truth". Oh, wait, that title's already been used. How 'bout "The Unfettered Truth".

(Cont'd in part 2)

Quote of the Week: "Of all the things I've lost, I miss my mind the most."