Back In My Day...

The subject of this post is behavior and etiquette. Manners are not a way to show you're of superior breeding, or that you're better than anyone else. Good manners are more than just knowing what fork to use, or the proper way to serve tea. Exhibiting "good manners" and showing courtesy is simply a matter of respect for those around you. And this is not restricted to those people you know and love, those people that you're with, but to all those around you, the rest of society, all the other people who are as unenthusiastic about having to share the planet with you as you are about having to share with them.

Judith Martin, better known as "Miss Manners" has published (among others) a book entitled, "Miss Manners' Guide to Excruciatingly Correct Behavior". If I were to suggest that this be required reading, you'd think it ludicrous, and yet how many people today are rude, discourteous, and have no sense of deportment or propriety? I'm not just referring to "young" people who, in their natural rebellious state, might be a bit less concerned with proper behavior. I'm speaking of your average adult. It wouldn't be so bad if these myriad individuals were being deliberately antisocial, but the sad truth is that they're totally unaware of the circumstances. To them, they're behaving in a perfectly normal and acceptable manner, and they're sincerely bemused when they query, "What your problem?"

With all the freedoms we have today, it seems we have, if not lost our sense of civility, at least modified our sense of what it means to be civil. So often I feel that I've lived past my time, past the time in our cultural evolution where things make sense, where I feel I belong. I'm sure you've heard old folks say something like, "Back in my day, we were raised to ......" Well, I guess I'm turning into one of those "old folks". I'm constantly at odds with the current morays and attitudes. I'm constantly calling someone on being "rude" only to be confronted with someone who doesn't have a clue what I'm talking about, since to them, there was nothing wrong with their actions. This, of course, makes you feel like you're speaking a different language. It's like you're dealing with concepts totally alien, or at the very least, outmoded. I sort of feel like "Jean Brody" when she suddenly realizes that times have changed, the status quo has shifted, and her life as she knew it has become arcane. (Click to hear Maggie Smith quoting the popular line from the movie "The Prime of Miss Jean Brody").

Then, there's the cloak of invisibility. Worse than being treated badly, is not being treated at all. What do you do when you're being treated as if you're not even there. The most common occurrence of this, (everyone has had this experience), is the sales clerk who processes the transaction without ever once acknowledging your presence ...even to the point of carrying on a conversation with someone else ...very often in a second language. This is one of my "pet peeves" listed in my very first post.

I was in Chinatown recently and ended up feeling very annoyed at being shoved and knocked around by all the little old ladies with their many grocery bags. "Rude aggressive little old ladies" may seem a bit oxymoronic, but when you consider the congestion in a community like Chinatown, which is so very densely populated, even little old ladies have to "fight" their way though the crowds and take an emphatic approach to their activities, or they themselves will just get pushed aside, and they'd never get anywhere or get anything done. This seems to be the perfect analogy for the tunnel-visioned actions of so many people in this so very densely populated world. Also I suspect that [some of] these attitudes are remnants of the 80s (me) generation.

I'm sure a lot of this has to do with the disconnected way we live. This is perhaps why so many people are always on their cell phones. They don't have to even acknowledge that there are other people around ...as often illustrated by their behavior. Even I tend to crank up my "tunes" so as to drown out all the surround din ...and pretend nobody else is there. So it would seem that I am adjusting, somewhat. I've even tried to lower my expectations so I'm not so disappointed when confronted with the rude, inconsiderate rabble.


Quote of the Week: "You cannot do a kindness too soon, for you can never know when it will be too late."

Create A Need And Fill It

There was a time when the business credo was "Find a need and fill it". Now with technology being driven by such fierce competition, there needs to be a use for all the new technological advances. That's where marketing comes in. In fact, marketing is the most importing component of any product ...more important than its quality or relevance. So, it is the job of marketing to "create" the need for the product.

On demand infotainment is the hottest thing in the communications industry right now. The parties that be want to create [are in the process of creating] streaming video content for ipods and other portable devices. Do we really need TV on the go? We've already got cell phone that receive pictures and music, and double as text-messaging centers. I'm the last person to pooh-pooh technology; I love electronic gadgets. But the pervasiveness of the "communications" industry is becoming a bit frightening. Why don't we all just go ahead and have the implant installed. That way, we'll be tied into the "big brother" mainframe all the time. We won't miss a thing ...and neither will [he].

Consider the cell phone. How in the world did we ever survive with out it. Of every ten people you encounter, eight of them are engrossed in conversations on a cell phone. The first thing that comes to mind is, "What is so important that you can't be away from for even a moment?" I know cells are convenient ...and indispensable in an emergency. But these aren't all emergency calls. Granted, many of these talkers are teens and we all know about teens and telephones. But what about the adults? And don't even get me started on [automobile] drivers on cell phones.

It's my theory that we've become addicted to all the electronic stimulation we're subjected to on a constant basis. Most individuals find it impossible to "just be still". Try just sitting still for an hour doing nothing. Okay, half an hour. Just clear your mind and do and think about nothing. Not so easy, heh? Even I never leave the house without my mp3 player.

Now the broadcast stations want to get into the TiVo business. For a small sum [I think it's $.99] you can watch a broadcast program ...one that was originally broadcast over the free airways ...you can watch it anytime you want. But wait! Don't we already have a device that does that.? It's called a VCR. Oh, I see, that's yesterday's technology. And since so many of the brilliant minds in the world never mastered the art of programming a VCR, now they can just pay for the program when they want to see it. HELLO PEOPLE! And these programs are also to be made available for playing over ipod-type devices.

The porn industry is also gearing up to supply content that can be viewed on theses mobile screens, but I hear that Steve Jobs wants to find a way to prevent porn from being broadcast over ipods. Now come on. Even if you are trying to be discreetly lascivious, a 2x2 inch screen is woefully inadequate for watching porn ...or any other movie/program for that matter.

On that note, I'd like to segue to the subject of why porn is considered an "indecent" commodity. Obviously there's a very large number, if not a majority, of the adults in the world who want it, and go to great pains to get it. The internet is one of the greatest inventions of our time and we've managed to turn it into an enormous database of porn. We live in a democracy and that's supposed to mean a government for the people by the people ...and the people obviously want porn.

Sure this flies in the face of all the tight-assed right-wingers and bible-thumping religious zealots, but the reality is that we're a nation of pervs. And that's all because we're so up-tight about sex in the first place. We've been raised in an atmosphere of oppression and have been taught to view sexual expression as something vulgar and naughty, something that should be done in the dark. The problem is that sex is a natural function and we are sexual beings. Suppression only exacerbates the desire for it while contributing salacity ...the irresistibility of that which is taboo. Take away the [unnecessary stigma] and it ceases to carry the dirty back-alley status. Didn't we learn anything from "Prohibition"?

Quote of the Week: "The only way to get rid of temptation is to yield to it."

What People Believe

I got suckered into a philosophical discussion about the meaning of life. I say "suckered" because this is one of those topics I choose to avoid ...I ponder the subject quite often, but avoid general discussion of the matter.

When it comes to "what people believe", different people believe different things for all kinds of different reasons. And since, as I believe, there are no absolute truths -- at least not at our level of human perception -- there are as many different realities as there are people ...granted, many people share similar, if not the same reality. They believe what they've been told is so; and unless they have reason to challenge it, they continue to believe what their parents / family / friends believe. And since they believe what they believe to be absolute, any discussion of alternative truths is bound to be, at the very least, confrontational. Which is why I avoid this type of discussion.

Human beings are [for the most part] social animals, and have a tribal mentality. Even in our global community, many, if not most, people belong to and identify with one or more groups, the nature of those groups being (among other things) ethnic, religious, economical, geographical, sexual, intellectual, or gender.

The benefit of membership in such a group is the support of the group and all its members, however the group as an entity imposes its own specific boundaries. It dictates what its members are to think and how they are to behave. Violating these protocols means running the risk of incurring the wrath of the group if not outright ostracization. And for many people -- most people -- being "alone" is the greatest of all fears ...being alone and having to make decisions for yourself, being responsible for your own happiness, defining your own reality, and creating your own purpose. So they (the possible dissidents) squelch their queries and suppress their oppositions in order to retain the security of group membership.

The "total" individual is usually anti-social, a loner, a social outcast, or a sociopath, not something anyone really aspires to be, or a label one chooses to wear, but these individuals are not constricted by social norms or group dynamics and are free to "think outside the box". Most of us, despite our group affiliations, do have aspects of individuality, where our thoughts are unique and different from the accepted "norm". The extent to which we embrace these differences is the measure of our individuality.

So many of the great discoveries have come, not from pursuing conventional beliefs, but from abandoning those beliefs and embarking on a completely different path. At the time these new concepts, (the earth revolving around the sun ... the world being spherical ... unseen microbes being the cause of infection), were considered crazy, obscene, and even blasphemous, and were met with much opposition and persecution. But these "different" thinkers had the convictions of [and held true to] their beliefs.

The true nature of reality is so much more than our limited concepts of time and space. Thought, sentience, and consciousness are so much more than just electrical impulses traversing synapses. Reality [is] perception, however, the true nature of reality is imperceptible at our current state of evolution. But some sort of perception is necessary. Although that perception is constantly changing as we evolve and acquire more information, we have to, at any given point in time, arrive at some momentary construct in order to maintain sanity.I am, however, amazed that so many [intelligent] people on the planet hold fast to the concept of [some form of] a benevolent, omniscient anthropomorphic deity, who, despite our evolution, is not very far removed from the precepts of the [ancient] Greeks and Romans. Yes, this was the question that "suckered" me into that discussion: "Do you believe in God?"


Quote of the Week: "Man prefers to believe what man prefers to be true."

Crazy, Man

For some time now, I've been sitting here, looking out of the window, watching this guy in the park across the street. I infer from his state of disarray that he's homeless, and from his actions that he's totally mad. Yes, he's talking to himself, but that in and of itself doesn't seem so strange anymore; so many cell phone users have headsets and look as if they're talking to themselves. For that matter, I talk to myself all the time. I just don't do it within earshot of anyone else.

What distinguishes this guy as being a bit "out there" is his performance ...almost as if before an audience. He began with what looked like an exercise in tai chi. If he'd stopped there, nothing would've seemed out of the ordinary, but then, he started a little dance routine with an unseen partner, sort of like the "hustle" (familiar to those of you who remember the 70s). Then, he segued to a sort of "Don Quixote" thing, having a violent altercation with an unseen foe. He even paused for a moment [between the second and third acts] to change his clothes. Yes, he took off what he had on, sat there [on the park bench] totally naked while he rifled though his sack to retrieve a new outfit, which he donned as if in the privacy of a dressing room.

All the other people in the park, although giving him a wide berth, simply pass by with no acknowledgement that his behavior is anything but normal.

What state must his mind be in? What's his reality really like. Does he even know that he's outside the realm of normal. Which, of course, brings up the question, "What is normal?" ...especially here in San Francisco where normal takes on a whole 'nother meaning. I suspect the only real difference is that this guy doesn't know and/or care that his behavior is perceived as "strange".

Watching him, I feel a bit uneasy as I ponder, "There, but for the grace...." Some of my own quirks and behaviors, especially when no one else is around, give me pause to question my own sanity -- I've always kinda questioned my sanity. But it is said, "A very good sign that you are crazy is the inability to ask yourself, 'Am I crazy?'" So, on that basis, I'm totally sane. An excerpt from John Stuart Mill's extensive essay on the nature of happiness reads, "Ask yourself whether you are happy and you cease to be so." So, by that same token, you could say, "Ask yourself if you're crazy and you cease to be so."

But, what is sanity really, other than the ability to discriminate ...to distinguish what of yourself you let others see. If everything about each person were made available for scrutiny, who among us could actually pass a test of sanity? Better still, who among us is qualified to determine what the parameters of such a test should be? And there's always changing social morays. In another time and place, my own [sexual] proclivities would have me labeled "deranged" ...a perception to which some choose to cling, still.

That which used to be bizarre is now often considered a quirk. That which was deemed perverted is now favorably referred to as "kinky" ...using the label of "pervert" almost as an endearment. There are even clothiers that sells straight jackets as fashion wear. So who's to say who or what is crazy?

Mind you, I don't mean to make light of mental illness, which among other things can be caused by actual physical abnormalities or chemical imbalances of the brain. All I'm saying is that in the deep recesses of every psyche, everyone is a little bit nuts.

Quote of the Week: "Don't try to be perfect; be crazy, be weird; go out and screw up. Have fun!"