You Selfish Bastard!

So I've been called, but am I? I rarely give of my time (or money...not that I have any to spare) in the service of others, when asked. And I surely don't give of myself unsolicited. And any self-less deed is anything but. Although I may not request it, I [expect] some show of appreciation or, at the very least, an acknowledgment of the act. So I guess, I am.

So, what goes into the making of a "selfish bastard"? Back when I was a kid, a set of unavoidable circumstances left me, (on [five] separate occasions), without parental supervision. On each of those five occasions, I was shuffled from one relative to another, each accepting the responsibility with much reluctance. So, from a very young age, I learned to appreciate the concept, "Help yourself, but don't take too much", and just as in Billie's chant, I realized the importance of having one's own, and not having to rely on the "kindness of strangers".

I learned to be self-sufficient, and self-reliant ...almost to the point of being anti-social. I abhor obligation, be it financial or social. I'm selfish enough to want to do what I want to do, when I want to do it, and not have to do what I don't want. And since I make it a point to "not" owe anybody anything, I don't have to do anything I don't want. Even in my circle of friend, I make an effort to keep the "inter-dependency" to a minimum.

So do I even care when I hear about victims of some catastrophe? Is my first response to see what I can do to help? Yes, I care, just as I care about the misfortunes of any living being, but if it doesn't directly affect me, I tend not to get involved. That's another hard lesson that life has taught. "If it's none of your business, then it's none of your business!"

This all may seem rather "cold", and there are times when my conscience urges me into some "selfless" deed. But then I get slapped in the face with the reality of, "Who asked for your help, anyway!", or "Mind your own damn business!", or, and this one really stung, "Do I know you? ... Then, why are you talkin' to me?".

There's a certain truth to the adage, "No good deed goes unpunished'. I was [once] a person who'd stop and pick up [for you] that item you dropped, or go waaay out of my way to return the found wallet, or accept that package [for you] from UPS, thinking it would eliminate the inconvenience of having it redelivered, or put that something extra into the "favor" you asked, hoping only that you'd express appreciation for the effort. I always ended up angry and disillusioned, but could blame only myself for having ignored the "lesson".

To avoid further disappointment, I keep my expectations low. Truth be told, all I want is...

consideration [of the fact that you're not on this planet by yourself],

The world has become a crowded place and it's necessary that we all make an attempt to live in harmony. But, when the overflow from your life becomes unreasonable and impinges on my right to not have to deal with it, I will bring it to your attention ...and take whatever steps necessary to correct the problem.

respect [for my rights as a fellow human being],

External approval or validation of me or anything about me is not required. I don't give a damn about your "tolerance"; you're entitled to feel any way you want. However, any attempt, be it intentional or not, to deprive me of that to which I'm entitled, or hinder my living my life in my own way will be met with utmost and all necessary opposition.

and perhaps a friendly smile.

A pleasant exchange is always preferable, but not required. What is required is civility. If you've got a bug up your ass about something that doesn't concern me, don't lay it on me. In such cases, I can usually dismiss it as being "nothing personal", but if you catch me on a day when I've "had enough", you just might be the recipient of a response which, I've been told, can be unnerving, and quite unpleasant.

This all may paint a picture of a bitter curmudgeon, but not so. I still have a kind heart. I still look for and see the beauty in the world. I still believe in the [potential] for good in people. I've never, ever been mean or cruel -- hurtful perhaps in my reaction to some wrong done to me, or unintentionally hurtful in some remark or action, the effect of which I was unaware -- but never cruel for the sake of being cruel. And, I respect all life ...except for cockroaches; I hate cockroaches.

I don't use more than I need, and in any event, I never take more than I'm entitled to. I cringe at the excesses that some people call "living well", and I bemoan the plight of those for whom mere survival is a major endeavor. I don't like the direction in which the world is going, but since I can't ...or choose not to... alter that path, I simply do my best to not compound the problem [as I see it].

And above all, I remember to laugh as often as I can.

Quote of the Week: "He who will not reason is a bigot. He who cannot reason is a fool. He who dares not reason is a slave."